What’s your money story?

Have you ever stopped to think about your personal money story? 

Your relationship with money profoundly impacts your life—for better or worse. Yet, the often-complex and sometimes fraught relationship is something we may not take much time to think about. 

In fact, you may not even know how to tell your money story. Yet, we often make significant life decisions based on our money story, despite our limited understanding of it, like taking a life-altering exam without studying. 

Research shows that money stories—and our unconscious beliefs about money—can “predict” our incomes, credit scores, net worth, financial behaviours, and so on. To continue our story metaphor, do we want to close the textbook, or do we want to complete the course with a deep understanding of the topic and be ready to apply that knowledge?”

Where do our money stories come from?

Your money story has been shaped by your life experiences, values and beliefs about money. It can influence your decisions, from your career choices and how you use your time to how you spend and save. 

Your early years develop your story. But, it also goes back further than that: Our ancestors had their hands in authoring our stories. Then our parents, the cultural systems around us, our neighbours, teachers and best friends, all made an impact. Yet, still, without meaningful reflection, it’s easy to move through life unconsciously aware of our money stories and their consequences. 

My own money story

My money story was directly influenced by a childhood belief that I was shy and that my voice did not matter. This became a disempowering narrative that snowballed over the years.

As I reflected on the influences on my financial decisions, I detangled and unravelled many insights and lessons. I discovered how my inner money-critic (my inner child) was unconsciously influencing not only my financial life, but my entire life. 

I named my inner money critic voice Mr. Shy. Through examining my money story, I realized Mr. Shy played a significant role in how I thought, felt and behaved with my money. Mr. Shy gave money the meaning of power and control, believing that money would make me feel seen, heard and valued. These beliefs were reinforced when I started earning an income and felt the illusive power money holds. It made me feel seen, heard and valued.

Mr. Shy believed:

• Money gives you a voice.
• Money helps you to be seen.
• Money gives you power.
• Money makes you feel accepted.  

I was unconsciously tethered to regurgitating the same old money scripts over and over and over again. 

Mr. Shy’s blissful intoxication with money had me chasing achievements, recognition, accolades, prestige and the dopamine highs. He was unaware and living an unexamined story, failing to recognize that underneath the drive to succeed were fleeting attempts for external validation and to prove his worth.

Mr. Shy was authoring my money story.

How I examined my money story

Chasing achievements and recognition became my protective armour, defending Mr. Shy’s unexamined money story, creating the illusion of feeling safe and having a safety net. However, I realized that Mr. Shy was seeking an “unsafe” safety net. The unconscious drive to accumulate money and wealth can lead to an unhealthy balance between working hard to create a financial safety net and experiencing life, as the constant pursuit of money can create an illusion of security while neglecting the importance of living in the present. Examining my money story has been a challenging but incredibly valuable experience.

Despite being a financial planning expert, I found myself frustrated, confused and overwhelmed as I failed to make “textbook” perfect decisions with my money. I was searching for answers everywhere but within myself.

Here are some questions that you can ask yourself as you start exploring your money story: 

1. What were your childhood experiences with money?
2. What is your earliest money memory?
3. What are your childhood memories, both positive and negative, about money?
4. What money lessons did you learn from your mother, father or another parental figure?
5. What common attitudes and perceptions toward money did you observe within your socioeconomic community?
6. What impact have your beliefs about money had on your life, both positively and negatively?
7. Now that you’ve answered that, what are the origins of your current relationship with money? 

Why does seeking money seem endless?

The process of looking at my money story has been useful and insightful. It allowed me to live a deeper, more meaningful life and to find greater fulfillment and contentment with my finances. I turned to reflective practice to move through the inevitable discomfort and uncover deeper insights. Slowly but surely, I found myself moving from my head to my heart and becoming less triggered by and defensive about money. As I lightened my resistance, I felt a sense of relief. I was able to free myself from the constraints of Mr. Shy who held me back for so long. I was able to reclaim myself as the author of my money story. I learned to untether myself from outcome-based thinking and to slow down and appreciate the present, like walking my kids to school and sipping coffee to enjoy its taste and the break. 

Examining our money stories can be complex

What hidden truths do you need to learn about yourself? What will your money story reveal about you and your financial decisions?

While money is an important part of our lives and it can certainly make life easier, it’s important to remember that it cannot buy many things, such as the realization that we aren’t our money, and our self-worth does not rely on the size of our savings or retirement account. While planning for the financial future is important and necessary, we need to realize that the future is a gift. We need to prepare for it, but today is the only day that is guaranteed. 

For me, my money story helped me to understand the treasure of life is in living fully and embracing the here and now.

Why should you examine your money story?

Understanding your money story helps you make more conscious and empowered financial decisions, and it also gives you insight into how your experiences and relationships with money may be influencing your present as well as your future. Remaining aware of our money stories is a life-long process. We never fully arrive at the climax, so to speak. 

Take a moment to start to reflect on your money story (and answer the questions above) to reveal how your unconscious may be impacting your finances. 

Shaun Maslyk is the host of the Most Hated F-Word Podcast, a show that explores the psychology of money and helps listeners understand their relationship with it. As a Certified Financial Planner and Certified Financial Behaviour Specialist, Shaun brings a unique perspective to the show, offering insights and advice on personal finance and financial well-being. If you found this article insightful, check out episode #20 of The Most Hated F-Word Podcast, “Why Your Money Story Matters”.

Read more on money:

• Train your investing brain
• “COVID made me do it”: Taking stock of pandemic money decisions

• From being wired to spend to the emotional attachment to money, Shaun Maslyk unpacks how psychology can affect finances
• What is financial psychology?

About Shaun Maslyk, CFP

Shaun Maslyk is a Certified Financial Planner and host of The Most Hated F-Word podcast. He integrates psychology and coaching to help people awaken their money stories.

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