Five money fears from childhood—and how to overcome them

“I have colleagues who know a lot about money, but that doesn’t mean they always make the savviest decisions, because they default to certain behaviours based on specific experiences and how they grew up,” says Melissa Leong, money expert and author of Happy Go Money. Early financial experiences with parents who overspent or didn’t save—or barely had enough to scrape together—can create a lasting impression, she says. 

According to a new survey conducted by Meridian, 55% of Canadians say that money problems they experienced growing up still affect them today.

And while money habits aren’t genetic, your family likely played a role in forming yours. “Money meaning grows on family trees,” says Leong. “If money is something that is never discussed in the household, if it’s seen as the root of evil, if it’s a source of stress, those can leave a mark.”

Read on for five of the most common financial fears that can start in childhood and follow you into your adult years—and the best strategies for overcoming these all-too-common money hang-ups.

Fear #1: Being unemployed 

When parents lose their jobs, it can be a difficult time for the whole family, and it’s not uncommon for children to carry that trauma into adulthood. 

You might feel even more stressed out about the possibility of being out of work if you don’t have enough savings to support yourself during a spell of unemployment, if it were to happen. Surveys show that many people are “liquid asset poor,” which means they don’t have enough in the bank to make ends meet for at least three months if they were to lose their income.

The fix: You can push back against those leftover feelings by identifying the reasons why you’re afraid of losing your job, whether it’s a volatile labour market or disagreements at work. Challenge your thinking—are your fears rational? If so, what can you do about them? You can start protecting yourself financially by prioritizing an emergency fund. Talk to a financial planner about the best way to begin building that cushion, especially if you’re also dealing with debt. The general advice is to tuck away at least three months’ worth of after-tax income. For the average Canadian earning $55,000 a year, that’s roughly $10,620, preferably set up in a separate yet accessible account.

Fear #2: Never having enough money

If you grew up in a household that was barely getting by, you might feel anxious about running out of money—even if you’ve achieved financial stability as an adult. Memories of missed rent payments, maxed-out credit cards or empty bank accounts can leave a lasting mark. “I have friends who grew up in homes where money was scarce, and even though they’re financially comfortable today, they still overlook what they want on a menu and order the cheapest thing,” says Leong. 

The fix: If you have concerns about being able to meet your short- or long-term financial goals and you’re not sure they’re rational, you could probably benefit from an outside perspective. “It goes back to getting professional advice, because that objective opinion can really deal with the anxiety,” says Dilys D’Cruz, vice-president and head of wealth management at Meridian. “You might need someone to sit down and look it all over and say, you’re really not in that bad of a shape here, or here’s how to get you on track.” If you don’t already have a savings plan, you’ll need to figure out how to pay yourself first. For starters, this may involve enlisting a financial planner or money coach to help you zero in on your savings goals and determine how much of your discretionary income you can put away, and then setting up automated deposits into a high-interest savings account.

Fear #3: Being a burden someday

Some people worry they won’t have enough to retire on, and that they’ll end up being a financial burden to their spouse, children or other family members. Concern can be particularly acute for someone who watched a parent or other relative manage a disability or debilitating health issue that drained them financially. 

The fix: If you have a history of illness in your family or you expect to have a lower income in retirement than you’re earning today, it’s best to save a bit extra in a registered account like a TFSA or an RRSP, says Leong. And if you don’t think you’ll have sufficient retirement savings and you want to make your last few working years really count, you may want to look at protecting your income with disability insurance. 

The key is to be pro-active—waiting and worrying won’t help you or your kin. Consider seeking advice from a certified financial planner and raising the subject of finances with your family sooner rather than later. “It would be better to frame it as, I don’t want to be a burden, so I would like some help right now to get a better picture of my money as it stands and how I can be a supportive force for myself and my family in the future,” says Leong.

Fear #4: Being stuck in debt

For people who grew up with money struggles, being in the red can cause a black hole of worry. “The fear of falling into a situation where you cannot repay your debts is a completely valid and common worry,” says Leong.

Many of us live with some amount of debt, like a mortgage or student loans, but it’s high-interest consumer debt that worries people the most. During the early part of the pandemic, many Canadians were able to repay some of their credit card debt; according to Equifax, balances declined by 3% in 2021. But the average credit card debt still rings in at $3,330—and many people owe much more. The key factor beyond balances, though, is how stretched someone feels about their bills. 

The fix: “Avoidance is a common response to a stressor, but when it comes to your debt, you have to do the opposite—you have to confront it because clarity always brings comfort when it comes to finances,” says Leong. That means sitting down, listing your consumer debts and their interest rates, and getting aggressive about paying them down. “If you are really consumed with worry about your credit card debt, look for a not-for-profit credit counselling agency that can help you with possibly consolidating your debts but also working on the behaviours that might have gotten you there,” says Leong.

Fear #5: Talking about money 

Some four in 10 Canadians surveyed by Meridian reported that their families didn’t talk about personal finance while they were growing up—at all. If money talk was taboo in your family, the mystique around earnings, debt and savings may have created stress that you’ve carried into adulthood. This could make it challenging to discuss finances with your aging parents, your partner and possibly even your own kids. 

But, of course, money talk isn’t only taboo in families. In broader social situations, with friends or colleagues, sharing details about your salary, savings strategies or real estate is frequently deemed rude, or at least discomfiting. 

“Money is difficult to talk about because it’s not just about dollars and cents,” says Leong. “It’s tied to ego and vanity, values and identity, so when you have a conversation about money, you are revealing parts of yourself, opening yourself up to judgment, and you are often judging others based on what they say about money. All of that doesn’t tend to create a safe space to share.” 

The fix: If you have children, break the cycle of money talk being off-limits by discussing your finances openly with them (in age-appropriate ways). “I very deliberately tell my kids everything about our finances—I think it’s really important for children to understand their parents’ financial situation,” says D’Cruz. “It helps them understand family decision-making, and it will help them feel more comfortable with money in the future, too.”

To make financial conversations with friends and extended family more comfortable, you actually have to talk about money more often, says D’Cruz. That doesn’t mean you have to get super-personal about exact figures, but it is useful to chat about our finances generally the way we do with other aspects of our lives. One way to broach money topics is to share an interesting financial podcast you’ve come across, for example. Or start a conversation by asking your friend how they negotiated a raise, found the best mortgage or met a certain money goal that you’d like to achieve, too. “Make it part of dinner conversation, instead of turning it into a big event,” says D’Cruz.

More on financial advice:  

• The MoneySense Find a Qualified Advisor Tool
• Halal investing in Canada
• Using The Wealth Formula to boost investment success

About Karen Robock

Karen Robock is an award-winning journalist who writes about parenting, wellness and travel—and, occasionally, how you might pay for it all. Her work has appeared in Canadian Living, Reader’s Digest and Prevention magazines.