Reading ‘The Wealthy Barber’ won’t fix my money problems
Debt Diaries, Step Ten: Daily maintenance that keeps you grounded
Advertisement
Debt Diaries, Step Ten: Daily maintenance that keeps you grounded
One woman’s 12-step path of recovery from debt addiction. Step Ten involves taking an ongoing daily inventory of when you have been wrong and admitting to them as they come up.
The past is the past. This step helps us stay current and in today. I did the best I could with Step Nine. Just to be clear: I’m not “done” with Step Nine. I made a big list of amends I need to make, and I have done a lot of them, but I also work full time and have a life so I can’t rush around making apologies 24 hours a day. So I will likely be cleaning up stuff from Step Nine for a while.
I moved to Step Ten so that I could live in today. Languishing in Step Nine makes you obsess about the past – and, if you’re like me, take it to operatic extremes: “Oh look at this list of amends, look at all the harm I have wrought, I’m such a wretched person, I’m beyond hope, etc.” At this point, someone in program rolled their eyes and say: you are not terminally unique. Get over yourself. Move to Step 10 and do amends as they come up.
READ STEP 9: It’s time to make amends
Step Ten is called the maintenance step. We work it on a daily basis. Most people I know look at a list of questions at the end of the day including: was I kind and loving? Do I owe an apology? Am I harboring a resentment? The questions are pulled directly from the AA Big Book.
I fought, and continue to fight this step, every day.
I am exactly the kind of person who needs a daily inventory.
So of course, I resist it.
My main argument was: I, like everyone, am not perfect. I will screw up every day. Every day, I will come up short. What would be the point of this exercise besides a moody session of self-flagellation?
No, no one has ever accused me of being dramatic.
Thankfully, many people suggested I calm down and try to do this step imperfectly. Ruth, a nurse in New Jersey, came to the rescue on this one. She said this daily review is one we must do imperfectly. Also, she reminded me of the passage in the Big Book that says: “we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.” In other words, locking yourself in your bedroom to journal for three years, weeping and whispering apologies to an unloving deity is probably not how this step was meant to be worked.
READ STEP 11: How meditating helped me with my debt problem
What does all this have to do with money? A quick review. My behaviour with money was crazy. It was a deep psychological and spiritual problem: it was not going to be fixed by reading The Wealthy Barber and making an Excel chart. It was motivated by an emptiness, a fear, a sense of shame, and of course, some spiritual bankruptcy. If I behave day in and day out in a shady way that makes shame and fear worse (e.g. if I were to lie to the CRA, borrow money, be late on bills); it is likely that the shame and fear will build to an unhealthy proportion, and I will be tempted to behave compulsively around money again. I might wander into the mall “just to look” and then find myself taking out new loans to buy myself some emergency needs like a curling iron, $50 conditioner and Lululemon leggings.
What I learned:
Tips on what to do:
Jane Dough is a pseudonym. The writer has decided to remain anonymous
Share this article Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linkedin Share on Reddit Share on Email