Dating dilemma: When to talk about finances

There’s often a stigma around discussing money, but I’ve found it really helpful to have these conversations early and often. My husband and I have monthly budget review chats, and we’re constantly discussing our financial goals and how we can achieve them. Money has never been a taboo topic for us, and we discussed our debt loads, salaries, savings and attitudes towards money shortly after we started dating. It’s a trend that’s continued into our marriage, although now the topics of conversation are things like life insurance, registered education savings plans (RESPs) for our kids, wills and estate planning, and retirement, instead of whether we can afford that weekend trip to NYC.

I love that money is an easy topic of conversation for us. I didn’t choose my life partner based on his financial footing, but in an increasingly challenging economic climate, financial health may be as important as looks, personality and intelligence when it comes to what people look for in a love interest. (See, for example, the short-lived new dating app exclusively for singles with good to excellent credit.) There’s a hitch, though: many Canadians find it incredibly hard to talk about money with a romantic partner.

The most difficult topics for Canadian couples

My husband and I are the co-founders of Willful, an online will platform. We were curious to know how comfortable Canadians are with discussing taboo topics, so, together with the Canada Will Registry, we commissioned an Angus Reid study to find out. It revealed that other than trauma, money is the hardest thing to talk about with a partner for the first time, followed closely by sex and death. This has led to Canadians delaying the discussion. The study, which polled over 1,500 Canadians, found that of the 77% who are in relationships, one-third (33%) didn’t start discussing finances with their partner until after a year of dating. Another 7% said they’ve never discussed their finances with a partner at all, and one-third have never talked about end-of-life planning.

Avoiding money talk? You’re likely missing key financial details

Over a third of survey respondents (39%) said they felt or will feel nervous discussing finances with their significant other for the first time. In addition, many respondents said they wouldn’t know how to access key documents and information in the event of an emergency. Over half of those in relationships say they don’t have a will, and even fewer know where their partner’s will is stored.

This wasn’t surprising to us at Willful—we hear stories daily about people dealing with a loved one’s estate and trying to find key information like passwords to accounts, legal documents like wills, life insurance documents and other key info. In fact, that’s what inspired my husband and I to start Willful. His uncle passed away without having his end-of-life plans organized, and he was the sole breadwinner in the family. We saw first-hand how difficult it is to honour someone’s legacy while trying to find information and end-of-life wishes. That’s why we’re passionate about ensuring that Canadians are now having the important but tough conversations that will save their loved ones burden and conflict down the road.

4 money moves to make as a couple

So how do you get more comfortable talking about money with your partner? MoneySense’s articles about money and relationships (see links below) share these strategies:

• Discussing finances early and often
• Being upfront about key information like debt load, credit scores and savings
• Setting a “money date” so you can get into a money mindset at a set date and time
• Considering combining your finances through joint accounts and other tactics in order to have a shared financial picture and shared goals

Whether you’re in a new relationship or already married, discussing money with your partner can set the stage for your shared financial success—and help you avoid conflicts over money—in the future.

Read more about money and relationships:

• Couples and credit scores: How your partner’s credit can affect yours
• Married with money: How to combine finances with your partner
• How to talk to your partner about money
• How financial advisors can help at different life stages
• How financial and estate planning can reduce money stress for women

About Erin Bury

Erin is the CEO at Willful, a company that makes it easy to create a will online in less than 20 minutes. Willful has helped Canadians create over 300,000 documents since 2017.

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