Navigating financial differences in your relationship

The Conflict: Ostrich vs. Hawk

The Solutions:

• Lay it all out on the table. “Couples need to be open with each other about their money—what’s coming in and what’s going out—if they ever want to work as a team,” says Simmons. That means Ben and Lindsay need to sit down and look at their bank and credit card statements together, either on their own or with the help of and advisor, so they can each see both sides of the equation: income and expenses. “No shaming or blaming is allowed,” adds Simmons.
• Set limits. Rather than creating a highly categorized budget, which can be overly restrictive and set couples up for failure, Simmons recommends setting a hard limit—a virtual line in the sand that tells both partners when to stop spending. That way, nobody needs to be the spending police.

The Conflict: Security vs. Spending

The Solutions:

• Respect your partner’s perspective. In many cases, there is no “right” or “wrong” partner—just different approaches. Macenko Merkley emphasizes the importance of both individuals feeling heard, noting that she prefers to meet in person so subtle nuances aren’t lost over the phone or by email. “Often, how someone answers a question will tell me as much as their actual answer,” she says.
• Be willing to compromise. Simmons suggests creating a shared priority list so both parties can meet their needs. “For example, as long as retirement savings are happening, it’s okay to spend X-dollars on a vacation,” she says.

• The gift of not giving
• How to talk to your partner about money
• Should you take out a loan to pay for your wedding?
• Should you switch to a no-fee or low-fee bank account?

About Erin Pepler

Erin Pepler is a freelance writer based in the Toronto area. A frequent contributor to MoneySense, she is also the author of Send Me Into The Woods Alone: Essays on Motherhood.