The savings conversation

Whether you’re determined to get out of debt, put some money away for a home of your own, or build up your emergency fund, the lifestyle changes you need to make can feel overwhelming. And if your buddy isn’t on board, it can seem like a Herculean task. But if you want to achieve a goal, it makes sense to sit with your partner and talk about it so you’re on the same page.

Wherever you choose to do this, there can’t be distractions. Put away the phones. Turn off the computer and TV screens. You’ll want a solid 25-30 minutes for this conversation. Sometimes neutral territory, like a restaurant or coffee shop, works best.

Before you get into the chat, set the date and time for the next one. Regardless of the outcome of this one, you’ll have a follow-up already scheduled.

Choose a time when you’re not bagged. Being stressed out and tired from a long day is no way to have an open mind (or to open one.) So give yourself and your partner some time to unwind before your date.

The step most people skip in the discussion is the statement of why this goal is important. Yes, everyone should save, but why is saving for this goal so important to you. Your mate needs to know that this isn’t a whim, a “let’s try.” Determined to have this—whatever the goal may be—you both need each other’s help and support to get where you’re going.

This can’t be an “I” versus “you” conversation. It’s got to be a “we” conversation. Lose the “You” and “Your” from the language you’re using. Frame everything you say in terms of the family, even if it is a small family of two.