How to tell friends and family you’re doing “no gifts” this year

Yes, gift-flation

“‘Gift-flation’ is a term we coined to describe the expectation that gifts—along with many other items this year—have increased in price due to factors beyond Canadians’ control,” says Roshan Jhunja, head of retail at Square, which offers tools for businesses, including processing credit card and debit transactions. “What we saw in our survey was that Canadians are bracing for higher prices this year on gifts across the spectrum, which has them in a reflective mood, with 83% planning to be more intentional and thoughtful about their purchases and deal hunting more intensely.”

This sentiment is echoed by Deloitte Canada, which released its holiday spending report in October. Canadians are planning to spend an average of $1,347 this holiday season, down 11% from 2022. (Is your holiday budget in line with the average Canadian’s? Read MoneySense’s report on Canadians’ spending habits this holiday season.)

Canadian shoppers are planning to buy local and shop the sales for deals, but another option is managing expectations about gift budgets or not giving gifts at all—without any awkwardness.

I found myself in this situation recently when I gently explained to one of my niblings (nieces and nephews) that as much as I loved them, I was one person buying for multiple family members, so no, I couldn’t buy the virtual reality (VR) system they wanted. 

No gifts this year: Why is it so tough to say this?  

Talking about money is still a taboo subject, says Susy Fossati, owner and director of Avignon Etiquette in Toronto. 

“Money still falls under what we call conversation stoppers,” she says. “It’s one of those things that you’re either in the ‘haves’ or ‘have-nots,’ and it is still such a very sensitive topic, much like politics, religion and relationships.”

How to say no gifts this year without the awkwardness

Etiquette, says Fossati, is about putting others at ease, so we always tend to stay away from those sensitive topics. But there are times when it’s necessary to broach a subject, such as gifts and spending.

Communication is key, she says, recommending a proactive approach. “If you’re in that situation where inflation or the economy has [affected your financial situation], perhaps offer suggestions that might be a little bit more sensitive to everyone in the group whether or not you’ve been in that situation [yourself].”

Mistakes to avoid: waiting too long to tell people (they may assume gifts are a go and have already got you something), dropping hints (it’s best to be straightforward), avoiding discussing it at all and/or being aggressive or judgmental.

There is the option of telling everyone that you’re cutting back or cutting out gifts. “There’s nothing wrong with saying ‘you know what, I would love to participate, but I don’t think that I’m going to be able to do this’ or ‘I hope you can appreciate that,’” says Fossati. 

Most people will appreciate being told and may even appreciate the chance to also opt out of gifting. 

Now, if they aren’t receptive to the idea that you would both save money this year, allow them to share their thoughts, acknowledge their feelings, explain your situation again and why you’ve made this decision, and give them time to digest it. Besides…

It’s the thought that counts

If you do decide to give, the cliché “it’s the thought that counts” holds true. A lot of creativity and thoughtfulness can go such a long way, Fossati explains. Instead of buying gifts, your friend group can do an exchange (books or cookies), potluck lunch or even planning a future date to get together—options that don’t have a big price tag. 

The right way to regift 

“Regifting” is not a bad word, says Fossati, as long as you follow a few rules. 

1. If there’s an expiry date, check it. Depending on when you received the present, it might be past due.
2. Don’t regift a gift within the same friend group or family. People will remember!
3. Rewrap the gift in different paper. 
4. Make sure the gift is suitable for the person you’re regifting it to.
5. Add a special something to make it personal. 

“So, if I was going to give someone a dish that I received but that I couldn’t use, then I would perhaps give [someone] that dish because they love kitchenware and entertaining,” she says. “Then perhaps add some cookies or a nice dish towel or just something really, really sweet.”

It’s not that big of a deal, we’re all dealing with the economy rn

As for my nibling, they took my explanation surprisingly well. Now they’re texting me alternative gift ideas that fit within my budget. 

Read more about holiday budgets:

• The gift of not giving
• Want to save money on gifts? Embrace holiday sales, and start early
• Budgeting for a less stressful holiday season
• 6 money moves to prepare for the holidays—with a recession to come
• The holidays on a budget: How to avoid credit card debt